Have you ever moved away but felt even more alone then before???
i have… i am currently living in Lewisville Tx… a new place, a new time for life etc. etc.
but the problem is, i moved to find myself, to live with my brother, to try something new.. and boom am feeling even more alone then ever…….
why is it that i can never find happiness? the guys never love me like i love them, my family one way or another makes me feel super alone, and when the one person that promised to help, makes me feel even more alone… should i move back to houston?? should i find my one true love?? or should i move to another state?? another country?? or should i just leave this world???
i feel pathetic, i feel used, i feel poor, i feel like no one would care if i was gone……
someone please just let me know am worth something make me believe that it is true, that i have been telling myself about being worth a lot, and worth someones time is true…..
It is currently 3:22 (Am in Kentucky) i cant sleep… i started to play my ps4 and when i go to lay down i am completely scarred (even more) awake then i already was because i freaking centipede was on the couch… i have no idea how it got into the house!!
I hate bugs with a passion… UGHH!! i have no idea how to feel at the moment, sorta wanna jump into the shower and sleep, but everyone is asleep. i rather just stay awake, not sleep at all, BUT i currently keep thinking of what if another bug comes out of no where again… hmm what to do.. what to do…..
i have the most gorgeous, beautiful, outgoing, best friend, her name?
Her name is Jordan ❤ she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. i am glad that i met her, she has had my back since day one, yes we have had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day she is my other half, my sidekick, my babe, my girlfriend, my wifey, my everything, i love her to death.
why am i posting about her?? because i hope she see’s this post and smiles the most beautiful smile she has, she is a queen whos crown was falling and i do not want it to ever fall. shes my queen and i want to always make her happy, hopefully one day we will be living together and i can be her surrogate and give her a beautiful baby she deserves ❤ i love you babygirl, never forget that i might be far, but you are my love and am always here for you no matter how far i am ❤
so in January i got kicked out of my house.. it was a big fight between me and my parents… only person that was there for m was Jose… he was there for me a lot, but one day he decided to visit his home in Colombia and never came back, left me to fend for myself…. he has been gone since February…. he was suppose to be back in march, its June already and still he hasn’t returned. i had to go back to my parents when his mom kicked me out of his apartment. i guess it was a real eye opener for me. i got a job, but it doesn’t give me much hours so my pay isn’t much at all, i decided to stick to my word and come to Kentucky for the summer again. i miss Jose a lot, the few weeks we were together we got to know each other and go together, but i guess my love was not enough for him…. once i get back to Houston ill be there for exactly two weeks and then am off to Dallas for a new beginning, to help my bother, to make something of my-self and hopefully if God wants Jose to come back to my life, he will make it happen and if he doesn’t then i hope he has something better stored for me…. i still feel strapped, and alone, but i guess its getting better then it was ❤
God is good all the time, all the time god is good
the lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer, My God, My Strength, in whom i trust…
the feeling isn’t always there. i have Jose ❤ he gets me and makes me the most happiest girl ever. i hope one day he will realize this and finally ask me out. i think he might just want sex but until them am gonna keep texting him… i wouldn’t mind actually.. to me as of right know he is my future and will be my baby daddy one day.
as for now were friends.,….
🙂 my favorite place to vent even if am talking to no one in particular 🙂
Am happy to say am engaged!! How this happened idk I guess we really just fell for one another 🙂 he’s my everything! We started just friends! If you asked me when I had just met him if I think this would happen I would laugh and say no cause my best friend had my heart n.n but I guess everything always changes and soo fast, one moment I was making plans with the most amazing guy ever and then things are said and exchanged and then am feeling alone and then bam am engaged n.n it’s funni how not happened but am happy with my decision! Am also happy cause ik am doing this cause I love the guy not just cause I am rushing!! Wish sometimes that things turned out differently but am happy all in all 🙂
That moment when your all happy, talking to family friends,
had the most hugest argument with my mom, never thought this day would come but it did, am kind of glad, no more pent up tension, no more stares of hatred, no more arguing (for now) but it all came out with in a few minutes it all came out between one and another. i know where we stand, two strangers living in the same house.
This week on Thursday i am going to visit my older brother, and am happy ive missed his so much, and when i get thier i will give him my decision, i will let him know if i will move in with him or not… to be honest am sure my head isnt in the right place at the moment to make this big of a decision but know is more of a good time that i get to think about a lot of stuff then later….
hopefully in the end i decide what is right and what isnt, its going to be a big change, and what i decided will change my future…
tears arent ment to come out unless necessary but at this moment and time i cant help but let them roll down my face…. hopefully they go away………..